The Playlist
I created playlist when we first met, right after I got back home from our first date. Even in those first few hours, I knew we were going to be phenomenal; you were going to be significant.
It had all the beautiful love songs, music that made me happy, with lyrics that’s made think of you and smile. I added the song we first danced to, the song that played when we first kissed, the song you said made you think of me, and the song that reminded me of you.
I even looked up songs in different languages because somehow just one was not enough to describe how I felt. I needed more vocabulary to feel and express how fast and deep I was falling for you and in love with you.
The day you left, I added one sad song to the playlist that seemed to aptly describe the pain of the separation. But as those distances started to grow, I added more songs of yearning and longing for love. In my heart, I knew something wasn’t right.
The day you stopped replying to my messages, I felt too heavy to listen to any music. But the next day I heard a song about heartbreaks on the radio and added it to our playlist. Gradually more songs about grief, pain and betrayal were added. There were some angry tunes as well but I removed them soon after. How could I stay mad at you?
On many nights I lay awake crying, wishing on the stars for you to return. It was then I added a few songs about hopes and dreams coming true.
My friends tried to cheer me up, they said I had to move on so I added songs to heal my heart.
It has been many moons since I heard from you, and I listened to our playlist less and less, and eventually stopped playing it all together.
But sometimes if I’m passing by a coffee shop or at a bar, and I hear one of the songs from our playlist, my heart still aches for you all over again. But in my soul I already know, perhaps in this lifetime, we have already had our last song.
